I was never good at math but
odds were that I had a
one in seven billion chance
of meeting someone like you
so that means I was more likely
to be struck by lightning or
to win the lottery with a
one in three thousand and
one in 175 million chance,
respectively, and all I can say is
God, I am the luckiest person
to be able to fall in love with you.
My brother says “shit happens” in response to everything
My brother was given a “shit happens” mug because of this
My brother loved his “shit happens” mug like a child
Last week, my brother dropped his “shit happens” mug
You probably know what his reaction was
I can’t think about death.
Not when it comes to you.
I have known you almost half of my life and there have been so many times where I thought death would be your outcome. We got on the subject of what we wanted to happen to us after death and you said you wanted to be cremated. I’ve thought about out living you before. I’ve thought about it more times than you know. Every time that I thought about it, never have I been okay with having to suffer the rest of my life with your remains sitting on my coffee table. I couldn’t stand to see a constant reminder of you everyday. You are the best part of my life, you always have been. If you die before me then the only way I’d be able to live without you is if I died too. You have been my reason to stay alive on more than one occasion, what would I do without that reason? Over these past few months I’ve come to realize that you are the good in my life. You are the reason I am the person I am today. Without you I don’t know where I’d be, who I’d be, or if I would even be alive. I need you to be in my life for the rest of my life. I don’t ever want to have to live my life without you and I most certainly do not want to plan on what to do with your remains. Please don’t go without me, I need you. Now, always, and forever. You are the only person on this earth who makes me feel the way you do. You are the only person who makes me feel alive.
What have I possibly done?
What could I of done to be this alone? It’s like I died in that hospital and everyone forgot I existed. What did I do? I can’t keep depending on him for everything, but he is all I have. The only other person I have is across the fucking globe. For the first time in forever I’ll probably be celebrating my birthday alone. I’m not okay with that, this isn’t okay. My own mother has to ask permission from her husband just to see me on my fucking birthday. How fucked up is that? Am I that horrible of a person? Have I done something in my lifetime to deserve no one giving a flying fuck? A year ago I had everything. I had a life, I had friends, I had a fucking family. Now something or someone in my life is telling me I don’t get any of that anymore. I waste away in my apartment with my best friend and just hope and pray that one day someone will want to hang out with me, that my mother actually wants to see me. I feel like I’m just slowly disappearing into the background, like I’m ceasing to exist. I’m starting to realize that my animals are the only other ones that want me around. I pray to god that this turns around, I can’t do this much longer.